Writing a Eulogy: Where to Start

Writing a eulogy can feel overwhelming, especially when you are in the midst of grief. The task of summing up a whole life — of finding the right words for someone so important to you — can seem impossible. But it does not need to be. A eulogy does not need to be a polished literary piece. It simply needs to be true, honest, and spoken from the heart.

The best eulogies are not grand speeches. They are specific, personal and real. They tell the story of who someone was — their quirks, their warmth, their resilience, their humour, the small details that made them uniquely themselves. If you are writing or contributing to a eulogy, the most powerful thing you can do is share a genuine memory: something concrete that captures the essence of the person rather than a list of achievements.

A useful place to start is to write down three to five things you want people to remember about your loved one. Think about: what made them laugh? What did they care about most? What were they proud of? What would they themselves want said — and what might make them cringe? These answers will shape the heart of the tribute more naturally than any formal structure.

Once you have those anchor points, begin gathering specific stories that illustrate each one. You do not need to use all of them — even one well-told story is worth a dozen abstract descriptions. A eulogy that says 'she was always kind' is touching. A eulogy that describes the time she quietly paid a stranger's bill at a café, without saying a word, is unforgettable.

If the task feels too difficult while you are grieving, please know that you do not have to do it alone. As a funeral celebrant serving families across Windsor and Berkshire, writing the eulogy is a central part of what I do. I will listen carefully to your stories, ask gentle questions, and put your memories into words — words that you can review, shape and refine until they feel exactly right. Whether you write it yourself or work with me, the most important thing is this: speak from the heart. The people in that room are there to remember someone they loved, and the truest words will always be the ones that matter most.